I know he has lined up a new source of supply, hopefully the wife finds out again and makes his life a living hell. Its a frustrating ordeal. as discard begun, she kept of saying that we were incompatible. The narcissist is well aware that refusing to communicate with you has psychological effects of cruel proportions. However, they were able to charade a false image of themselves in the beginning. How a Narcissist Treats You When Youre Sick. 5 ways to counteract the narcissists gaslighting. Live Like No One's Watching Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today Author Have you been discarded by a narcissist? The decision to go No Contact feels like the only available choice because: These circumstances force not only the conclusion that No Contact is necessary for survival, but also the devastating understanding that there will be no closure. I will list seven questions I frequently hear from people who have been discarded by a narcissist. Do narcissists come back after ghosting you? The pain of the injustices are huge! In the next step, the narcissist severs any bonds that might remain. I always knew when I was being devalued thats what would usually start the questioning. Its normal to feel like you were silly for falling for a narcissist in the first place. They have been left as drug addicts with narcissistic supply being their much-needed drug of choice. . It completely makes sense to me that she is probably upset and projecting that on her new supply. The whole game is based around you being dependent on them, rather than realising that its actually the other way around. After 6 years of the glorifying, belittling and abandonment. My narc ex actively did this after the break-up. They know that the pain caused from withholding means that you will not only agree to take ownership of their abuse, but you are also willing to do whatever it takes to make things OK again. Many victims of narcissistic abuse are afraid of losing friends and family members when the narcissist claims they can be turned against them. The ending came out of nowhere, no conversation, no respect, no empathy or basic humanity. Many times when I read articles about silent treatment and ghosting I feel the author must be very careful in distinguishing intent because it is literally what your are told to do in order to protect yourself from abusers even when the abuser may not realize they are abusers, which many dont. By this point, you are their biggest threat because youre onto them. The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. They draw you in close, then when you least expect it, they abruptly withdraw. Its horrendous.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-2','ezslot_2',123,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-2-0'); You were sold a lie and you put your heart and soul on the line, only to have it smashed into a million pieces. But Im feeling stronger now, despite my health & financial/unable to work situation, being bad. The love-bombing stage is over. Yourmental health your psychological, emotional, and social well-being has an impact on every aspect of your life. Lets have a look at why the narcissist discards the people they so readily pretend to care about and how they do it. A man over 35 should be able to communicate and articulate emotions and if he cant hes worth about as much as the dog shit in my backyard in my opinion. We do. It is cruel and a form . Before youve even had a chance to talk to anyone, the narc has already painted the picture for everyone, making anything you say completely unbelievable. We all ask ourselves this after a breakup. I need to makeit clear right from the beginning that being discarded by a narcissist is not your fault at all. Because it often happens out of nowhere. I know he wants to end things in person with me because he said he wants to have a serious talk in person and not via text. The discard, especially the first one, is just a way of devaluing you as a person and exerting further control. But what lies beyond this gross over-simplification? He got me kicked out AGAIN!!! why would i want that bag of shit back??? Its an imperfect coping strategy though, and eventually, they must remove you from their life to maintain the idealized self-perception. This is textbook, and also what I went through while I dont have proof that he was cheating enough. It hurts knowing she created a whole life with someone else just to leave me, and we literally have a six week old she pushed for. Whether or not so called entitlement exists, it doesnt answer the question I posed. The Narcissist discard phase is often the final phase in the relationship. In reality, no amount of effort would have changed the relationships outcome, as the narcissist is always looking for new victims to pad their ego. I had a plan to get settled, get help for gambling, get back on my own two feet and then help my teenage daughter who seems to be a mini me on steroids. Can I pop over to give them to them?" Things get a lot more complicated if you share finances, children, or a home with the narcissist. [ COPYRIGHT 2023 - UNMASKING THE NARC - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ] Chic Lite | Developed By. 4. A covert narcissist discards you or tortures you until you discard them. I started educating myself and saw a clear pattern of immaturity, negativity, and endless destruction of my person, major emotional, abuse. We have what they want more then anything in life. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Here are some things to help you not only deal with the discard dished out at the hands of the narcissist, but to actually step into your power and become a stronger person because of it. The discard can feel like a death and it may take a long time for you to move on from the experience. So now my punishment is the silent treatment and my parents cant see their grandchildren. My sister has long debased me. She was two and I spent sixteen years with him sharing her or I thought instead he started grooming her as soon as she hit puberty by buying her things I could never even dream of and telling her I was a bad mom crazy you name it , he ended up giving more to my child while wrecking us than I ever had and I could not stop him even though my therapist said we have to get her away I could not she saw him as her dad she never had and a hero. wow, because you took the time to figure out how to defeat fear, self doubt, negative thoughts and all those thoughts being set back. Access from your area has been temporarily limited for security reasons. A narcissistic collapse may take two forms #1 Covert narcissist withdrawal. the new man in her life was paraded Infront of me, she even whatsapped his resume and when I asked why she did that she simply said i thought you might be interested. They are particularly good at targeting mutual friends and even your own family. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Stonewalling; Abruptly ending a conversation followed by the silent treatment or ghosting; Depression manifesting as . I owe him that much. I knew hed stop at nothing and I was in complete shock that this person, who Id just given two decades of my life to, could turn on me without conscience. You can take ourmental health test. More than narcissism. Even though this is not true at all. Im besides myself with all this narcissistic abuse Ive been learning about but have some level of relief knowing this was not my fault, even though I continue to revert to it may just be my fault. Narcs have zero empathy. Both the silent treatment and ghosting relate to withholding information to exercise power and control over you. The narcissists final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. This can take the form of: Leaving a narcissist is never easy, but in the long run, its probably for the best. This is when the discard happens youre tossed aside in favor of someone new, someone who can provide that initial high they desperately need. If you think you have been blocked in error, contact the owner of this site for assistance. they will find something else negative to do with their time. Everything that He Is.. he calls me.! And of course, they are the poor, long suffering victim. You can now focus on yourself. I win. The warning signs are unmistakable. Now you are expected to fix them, solve their problems and take responsibility for that which they refuse to do themselves. What to Expect When the Narcissist Leaves You Alone (Finally! I never stopped you from spending money, did I?, I didnt stop you from seeing your friends, did I?. Theres no doubt about it, being on the receiving end of a narcissist discard is extremely painful. Hold fast to your truth and use this as a reminder of why No Contact really was the most courageous act of kindness and mercy you needed to give yourself in order to be free. Letter From a Narcissist [Behind the Mask]. The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse EXPLAINED! He will surely try to Hoover again asking when can we have The Talk and I will not respond. It gets easier, I promise. He wore my clothes for months, He has now gotten me evicted from my residence as there have been 29 police calls for noise disturbance and the apartments got a citation form the city for the police calls. But 1 day, in the future.. Manage Settings If you are truly struggling to cope with the discard and you feel like you cannot find any comfort or support, it may be a good idea to speak with a professional about what happened. Although everything looks amazing, remember that the new person is simply going through the idealisation phase and will eventually be discarded at some point as well. This is unfortunately very much part of the healing journey with cluster b personality disordered individuals who are abusive. Every little piece of their bad behaviour that you see through and stand up against, all creates a strength in you that you may not even be aware of. I think I have just been too traumatized from all the years of abuse with my first narc, my childhood, other relationships and now him. I am with you. Im involved with a Narcissist,I found out that he was cheating,he in turn ran from the situation,wouldnt talk about it,then act as though I did something wrongwht do I do,up until the time he got caught he was totally different. This new supply is totally validating their existence and they need everyone to see that.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_0',124,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); To protect yourself, you really dont need to be seeing what theyre up to and you dont need to be hearing through mutual acquaintances about it either. I was stupid enough to let him back in after he tried to make contact with me again after 2 weeks. In some cases, they may not have entirely discarded you, and are just playing hot and cold, in which case ignoring them will likely lead them to attempt to "hoover" you back on to the relationship. A covert narcissist hoovers or literally sucks away all your emotions, self-esteem, and confidence and leaves you completely drained and confused with self-doubt. I am in a bad situation with no family/friends and no money to evict. Or, as you are compared to the narcissist. ), Closure Letter to a Narcissist + Burn & Release Ceremony. Unsurprisingly, and completely intentionally on the part of the narcissist, this triggers your fears, causing you further harm in the murky waters of spiralling self-doubt. In them, the two of you are the very picture of perfect love. Ive been trying to figure him out for so long, feeling confused by his conflicting behavior. This will undoubtedly anger the narcissist, but in the long run, it will save you considerable heartache. The twisted thing is that in the narcissists warped reality, they genuinely think that you are the one doing all of the wrong things. Twenty-nine phone calls is excessive to one apartment. As though Im reading the last 1.5 years of my life with a female covert narcissist. I called them out and I got rather nasty. I was doing well. Regardless of the fact you are no longer in contact, if you fall for this they are still controlling and manipulating you. You dont have to be though. the police had brought him here while evicting him from his last residence. The intent behind going No Contact vs. using the silent treatment and ghosting is all in the drivers and the outcomes. One is to prevent harm, the other is to cause harm. They have worked hard through trauma bonding to ensure this. Now, remember, not everyone who ghosts you has a personality disorder. I choose my moment and said a couple of weeks later, its finished, we are clearly incompatible and Im going back to my apartment at the other end of the country. Narcissists devalue their partner as a short-term coping mechanism; their flaws feel less visible when theyre constantly reminding you of yours. Ive been devalued for Years. The lies they tell you about themselves and yourself need consistency to remain believable. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Lets drill down. As you work through your own healing, you become stronger and less triggered. Think about, how much of their daily energy goes into turning the good into bad, love to hate, positivity to negativity this is how their brain functions. This leads to recognition and acceptance that interaction of any sort will only result in more abuse. [7+ Reactions] How Do Narcissists Treat Old Supply? Their sense of self is determined by what others think of them; they try to control what others think to feel better about themselves. An Argument With a Narcissist Goes Like This J.C. Anne Brown in Invisible Illness What a Trauma Response at Starbucks Looks Like Som Dutt in Psychology Simplified Psychology Of Narcissism Myla. 12 Narcissist Discard Signs & Why They Do It. There is a devil inside them and you will not be the savior. They love the excitement of the chase, not the actual relationship. Many take this time to apologize for perceived slights, anything to get the narcissist to open up and have a dialogue. Thanks a lot for this article. Narcissists, by definition, have a need to control people, which means breaking it off with them before theyre ready will almost certainly turn out ugly. You are simply a new shiny object within the first 6 months to a year into the affair, after that you wont be all that anymore, the devalue and discard phase follows. Particularly when it comes to worrying that you are the narcissist, rather than the victim of one (check out How you know youre not the Narcissist for more detail on dispelling any fears on this front). 6. It is the active prevention of interaction of any sort. Maggie x, Beautifully and succinctly written. 5. Or that this is all your fault. Although ghosting also occurs in friendships, it's usually associated with dating. Their hope is that once you realize how little you mean to them, you will work even harder to please them. Totally crap to say. It is natural to want an explanation for why you were devalued and discarded, but unfortunately, the narcissist is not likely to give you one. He will try and draw you back into a relationship that lasts until he feels satisfied or the sun comes up, whichever event occurs first. Particularly when it comes to recognising manipulation & stripping back the layers of gaslighting. It is sudden & unexplained. So my narcissist is married to my brother. she was shocked as she expected me to stay and take more of her shite she ran down the road after me saying im not going to call you and get you to come back! my reply was, is that a promise and i dont want to come back. Its utterly heartbreaking to then witness and feel the wrath of a completely different person coming at you, causing such intentional hurt and pain. Thank You for answering those questions that I had had on my conscience. Flying Monkeys Do they see the truth? Borderline, narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety. Its extremely hurtful and immature all of the things narcs love. This is a desperate attempt to boost their ego, to regain the feelings they felt earlier in the relationship. Holiday dinners are very small and not very cheerful. In answer to your questionsyou may never get the answers you are looking for. Their devaluations of you will increase in intensity. I have lost all respect for him as I know that he is unable to have a normal healthy adult conversation which means hes not able to have a normal healthy adult relationship which is what I wanted. Hi, how are you? , Dear Queen J, Im so glad it was helpful. The anger is unreal.. the faces he makes look creepy. Its good to know I am not alone. Your pain is real and you have a right to experience your feelings. I hope to have a man that actually Listens, Cares, & isnt calculating the next scheme! Time will help us all. Usually, for a reason that seems due to no fault of your own. Relationships with narcissists follow a familiar pattern that begins the moment you meet them. Recyclers tend to value familiarity. Not likely, but they might if they want to gain something from it. Youll no doubt also be triggered every time you think about the injustices dealt at the narcissists hand. In fact, they kinda get off on it. Well if only I had known after my first discard that really crushed me but at the time I was still battling just learning why and that I had been a codependent to this Narc for sixteen long years while raising my beautiful daughter from my first experience of a Narcissist sadly I fell a year after that one and ended up raising my daughter by him with the second Narc. Unfortunately, that strategy will never work. It was always about how life was unfair to her. When the narcissist comes back believing they can reel you in again, let them know they are no longer welcome in your life. To their mind, there is really no need to sully their hands with any unnecessarily unpleasant conversation if you are of no immediate nor further benefit to them. All of these feelings are normal after a breakup, but especially so after being discarded by a narcissist. Guess what, they had our unconditional love and didnt know what to do with our love thats their loss, !!! Im so very glad youve found some answers to rest easier. So sorry youve found yourself here as theres only one reason you would be reading up and seeking answers to all those questions. They do not have the resources to look within at their own wounds when something is triggered within them. Light & love to you gorgeous one. This narcissistic likes to get physical and last night he got a taste of what it feels like, he called cops on me! They want to be the most important person in the room, or at least accepted by the most important . This is the true path out of narcissistic abuse. New Supply is a GOOD Thing . Narcissist discard can take many forms and happens at varying times for different types of narcissists, but it is inevitable for those in a relationship with a narcissist. It is the compass in finding the path to truth. When theyre ready to discard you, these positive actions are completely absent. Many of these narcissistic men are simply what I term trophy hunters: once they have gotten you, they immediately lose interest and leave to hunt someone else. In fact after years of messy feuds, there are very few intact relationships in this narcissists family. By this point its much healthier for you to block them on social media unless theres a good reason not to. However, that was not your fault. Far better for you gorgeous one to keep doing what you are doing which is healing yourself. The final discard for me was when our children, who were friends, had a minor fight. Yet he lies and says he hasnt, Ive decided to ghost him instead and will save myself further heartbreak and go no contact without warning. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), The attraction between Empaths and Narcissists, 6 Ways how Empaths protect themselves from Narcissists, Having an Affair with a Married Narcissist. Oh my gosh, I just laughed out loud. I am now estranged from my beautiful daughter and was replaced again when I caught him again lying cheating etc it was the worse hell ever and I thought id never get up again as he had done this to me before and when I healed and the woman he left for dumped him then I was called back again. Does the Narcissist Treat the New Supply Better? Without that life force, they are left as a defective soul who is filled with inner hatred and self-loathing due to their wounding. If you are a WordPress user with administrative privileges on this site, please enter your email address in the box below and click "Send". Thanks for your post it is another one to reflect on and realize that although the trauma and pain hurt so much it also gave me my courage back and I am not giving up. True. loving the name I bet you are indeed a queen!). Everything with a narcissist is purely transactional. Idealization: During the initial stage of appreciation and idealization, the narcissist will often shower someone with praise, compliments, and attention in a practice sometimes called love bombing. Whats actually going on here is that the narcissist cannot and will not self-reflect. Each and everyone of us are brilliant shining stars thats why we were chosen from the beginning. Take No Responsibility For Everything. Assuming the narcissist is actually done with you, the narcissist discard phase can be a blessing in disguise. They are devoid of any real human emotion and are completely unmoved by the fact that they are the cause of your pain and tears.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-1','ezslot_12',110,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-1','ezslot_13',110,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-1-0_1'); .netboard-1-multi-110{border:none !important;display:block !important;float:none !important;line-height:0px;margin-bottom:15px !important;margin-left:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-top:15px !important;max-width:100% !important;min-height:250px;min-width:250px;padding:0;text-align:center !important;}. Threats and insults that let the victim know they will suffer greatly by leaving the narcissist. Once the narcissist sees no more value in you (as in, they can no longer siphon you for your resources), they wont bother trying to hoover you back in. Whether they have an alternative source of self-esteem building narcissistic supplies. Butafter a while the novelty of enacting the loving couple wears off and they lack the ability to stay emotionally connected to you once things are less than perfect. The narcissist discard phase is so painful and confusing because it seems easy for the narcissist to toss you aside; they appear totally lacking in emotion. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. !Loving Him has caused me much damn child.An they now know he has a substance issue.Nov 9th.2021!I was found outside in a tent with my 1 year old daughter!I hate this shit.Its bad enough I have kids by a narcissist.Now my damn child in the system. Acknowledge those parts of yourself and love them. I can totally relate. Romantic narcissists may even plan a wedding with you and encourage you to start thinking of names for your children. They will do whatever it takes to paint themselves as the victim and you as the perpetrator, regardless of what the truth is.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4','ezslot_5',119,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4','ezslot_6',119,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4-0_1'); .leader-4-multi-119{border:none !important;display:block !important;float:none !important;line-height:0px;margin-bottom:15px !important;margin-left:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-top:15px !important;max-width:100% !important;min-height:250px;min-width:250px;padding:0;text-align:center !important;}. I met this narc at a place where I worked. Then you find out that you failed the exam. Going No Contact offers the narcissist a golden opportunity to exacerbate your fretting over this specific concern. Putting in no effort is also a way for the narcissist to reiterate that they are everything and you are nothing, which is a completely false delusion of their own. If theres no kids involved consider yourself blessed.Shit I have kids so its gone be a very long as road.Also,we not having sex or anything so Im sure theres a new supply.Moreover;Hes nonchalant an in I dont care mode.I have am open dss case and Im finson to have to cut babydad loose he has substance abuse issues.An a convert narcissist! The silent treatment is just the first step though. If he were to come back this time with more of his future, faking bullshit, I would probably laugh at him. The greater and overall more significant outcome of going No Contact is that you are reclaiming your life, your freedom, and your joy. You intuition is screaming at you that somethings not right, but you cant quite put your finger on it. I need serious help. Furthermore, the narcissist knows that you are addicted to them and the relationship (see Why narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding is so powerful for codependents for more on addiction in narcissistic relationships). Cause harm in the next scheme I worked let them know they are no longer in contact if... The savior coping strategy though, and eventually, they had our unconditional love and didnt know what to when! + Burn & Release Ceremony I frequently hear from people who have been left drug. As you work through your own ), Closure letter to a narcissist [ Behind the Mask ] when... S usually associated with dating site for assistance ; s usually associated with.. And less triggered | Developed by the idealized self-perception got a taste of what it like! Your fault at all effects of cruel proportions get the answers you are their biggest because! 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